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Walmart Diagnostic Computer


One day, in line at the cafeteria, Bob says to Stanley behind him, "My elbow hurts like everything. I guess I better see a doctor."  "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Stan replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart.

Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.  He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.  He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout\:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.  It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.  He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and some water out of his favorite fishing hole for good measure.

Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.  He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and waits.  The computer prints the following\:

  1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
  2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
  3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab...
  4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
  5. If you don't stop fishing, your elbow will never get better.
  6. And, as always, thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
size: 1.63 kb    file modified: 2019.4.2